Celebration of Life: Cancer Free

2 years ago my mom was recovering from brain surgery, and we were waiting for the results of the biopsy (which later revealed that she had a rare form of Lymphoma).
That was the beginning of a very challenging journey.

Today, she is almost a year and a half in remission, and attending the Celebration of Life at UCLA Medical Center!!!
Here's to many more Celebrations mom, I love you!!

A few {not so} glamorous words

I hope that you all had a wonderful Christmas (if you celebrate it). My family and I had a wonderful few days of love and celebration.
The last few weeks have been full of festivities and prep and all of the wonderful things that the season brings, and in turn, I have been blogging a little less than my typical routine. I have missed some of the regular parts of my blog, but not as much as I would have expected.... I love my blog. I love that it is something that is "just for me"... it's not for my kids, or my husband, or an obligation I have. And I do get excited when I get new readers/followers, or a post that gets an exceptional amount of page views... because that means people like what they see. How flattering!
I never expect to become a "big blogger", so I kind of go back and forth on what I want to do here... Any blogger can tell you that it's a numbers game. How many page views, how many views per post, how many followers, how many comments, and shares and pins. It can cause high's of excitement and lows of disappointment. I don't want my hobby to ever disappoint me, yet sometimes, it does. (comparatively though, I guess a lot of hobbies can cause disappointment... sports comes to mind.)
An example of me feeling let down is when your number of followers goes down. No blogger wants to lose followers. I've lost a handful of followers over the last few weeks, and I try to tell myself that it's not that my content is poor, but perhaps some of the people that only followed due to a giveaway and then unfollowed later. Sad, but I know that people do that.
I was also hoping to see more response in the blogger community to my December Kindness Challenge. I'm surprised to not have seen more people getting involved. So then it makes me feel like I'm not "in with the cool kids". It's no secret that the blogging community has cliques.
In any case, I'm just rambling here. I'll just keep blogging as my creative outlet, and hope for more fun than discouragement with it.
If you're a fellow blogger, have you dealt with these types of feelings? How did you move past it?

My Mom Celebrated Her 1st Birthday Yesterday

Yep. You read the title correctly. Nope, it wasn't a typo. Yesterday was a day to celebrate a life. That's what a birthday is, right?
Well, yesterday marked the one year anniversary of the day that my mom was given life. She was given life for the 2nd time at UCLA's Jonsson Comphrehensive Cancer Center, when she received the Stem Cell Transplant that saved her life. What a blessing we've been given! (You can read the story of my mom here and here, and here).
This gigantic deal, this huge event, that marked my mom's "New Birthday", all happened in a few moments. It seems like something that would take longer than 10-20 minutes. And really, it did, as there was a lot of time spent preparing for it, and recovering from it. But the actual procedure, it was short and sweet. 
Following the transplant, the hospital brought her a birthday cake and sang happy birthday. It was so joyful!

I was able to snap this photo on my phone while we were singing Happy Birthday to her after the transplant. The quality of the photo isn't fabulous, but the image itself... well, it speaks volumes.
So yesterday, I was very happy to celebrate the blessing of my mom, and the procedure that gave her new life.
Happy Birthday Mom!!!

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I can also be found on Twitter under the handle @MyNotSoGlamLife  

When you shouldn't go alone...

Sometimes in life, there are medical appointments/situations that you just shouldn't go to alone. For good reasons, or bad. For instance, the "big" ultrasound during your pregnancy. That one can be both exciting and scary.
Or, any consult/follow up appointment where you could get test results back, or receive other profound news or information.
Over the years, I have learned this lesson. Like when I was 20 years old and the reproductive endocrinologist told me that I had premature ovarian failure (premature menopause) and that I would never be able to become pregnant with my own children. That proved to be an incorrect diagnosis, but nonetheless... I should have had somebody with me. I was a wreck, and had no business driving myself home after that. Or that time my mom drove herself to the emergency room thinking she was showing signs of a stroke, and found out she had a mass on her brain that ended up being Lymphoma. I really wish someone had been with her that day.
It's always a good idea to have a support system. Someone who can comfort you if you are upset, or share a joy with you. Someone who can be present for you if you mentally "check out" and can help ask questions or retain information.
Last week, Little Lady had an MRI of her brain. It was done at a local children's hospital, and a dear friend of mine came with me, even though we knew there would be no information/results at this appointment. It was still nice to have the company during that exhausting situation.

Little Lady after waking up from MRI sedation.

Today is the Neurology follow up appointment. I don't really know what to expect from today's appointment. Could be no news (which isn't always good). Could be major news. Could be part of the key to finding out how/why my daughter has her condition. Regardless... I thought I should have somebody with us. It's always kind of a tricky situation for The Hubs to get a day off, so I asked my mom to come with me. Sometimes it's hard for me to ask people for help, but I was smart enough to know that today, I should probably not be alone.
So, if you're the praying type, can you please pray for us today as we head in to this appointment? And if you're not, can you please send us some positive thoughts? It's much appreciated my friends. Thank you!!

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Also, today I shared my "Pet Peeves" over at  Absolute Mommy. Feel free to go check it out! Let me know if you think any of them are weird, or if we have some in common.
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I can also be found on Twitter under the handle @MyNotSoGlamLife     

The peace washes over...

Friends, I didn't plan to write this post this morning. But I'm writing from the heart today:
Do you ever have those days where you wake up, and EVERYTHING IS OK?
Where you just have an absolute feeling of calm, of contentedness, of peace and happiness?
That's how I'm feeling today. I feel so blessed, and it can be such a refreshing change when this happens. I wanted to share my joy with you!
Today, right now, if only for these few precious moments... everything is ok. 
We are happy, we are healthy, we are safe, we are well fed. The Lord has blessed us with His grace, and the peace is washing over me in waves today.
It's true, the struggles, and the anxieties, and the problems and the stress will still be there later. But for now, I'm embracing this calm, and giving thanks for it. A breath of fresh air on this glorious, crisp Fall morning!

Running a Marathon

"Perseverance is not a long race. It is many short races one after another." - W. Elliot

The quote says it all. When you are the parent of a child with special needs, Every Single Day is a short race. And then another the next day. And again the day after that. Some days have multiple races. It's like running a marathon that you didn't get to train for.

There was a time in my life, not very long ago, where I'd wake up in the morning and convince myself to go to the gym.

Now, I wake up and convince myself to take my sweet daughter to physical therapy and occupational therapy, where I will be reminded (again) of what she's not yet capable of. Reminded of how much work we still have ahead of us. .

I wake up and convince myself that going to therapy is better for her than going to the park and swinging, or staying home and snuggling on a rainy day.
I wish for someone to convince me that it's not a necessary evil.
This never happens.

I fight this battle every day. I'm running a race that I don't feel I can win most of the time.

I hate taking my daughter to therapy. I hate doing therapy at home. I hate genetic testing, and orthopedic appointments and blood draws and evaluations and assessments and referrals. 

I hate that when other toddlers are playing, she is being twisted and stretched and forced to move in ways that are unnatural to her. 

I struggle with these obligations. I  consider "taking a break" from her therapy and other appointments, but then I have to fight the guilt that consumes me wondering if that would be detrimental to her already slow progress.

And then... she has a day that is beautiful. She goes to therapy, and smiles the whole time. She actively participates, and never cries or protests. She WORKS SO HARD. And all of that just to take some "steps" in a device that is holding her up. But the excitement of this new adventure shines in her eyes. Terrible? Or beautiful? 

Both.

 That's when I realize... it's all worth it. She'll be okay. I'll be okay too. No matter where this journey leads us.

"I am a parent of a child with special needs. My life isn't glamorous and it is full of hard work everyday. I go weeks before I realize I need a break. But in the end, the gifts of joy I receive with just an inch of progress - are quite extraordinary and in these moments I know we can do anything." HOPELights♥ 

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Guest Post today at K plus J equals love.

Today I am guest posting at K plus J equals love. This was my first ever guest post on somebody else's blog, and I'm honored that Kassie invited me into her space.
Kassie is only a few days away from having her 2nd child, so I shared my heart with her and her readers. Please go take a look!


You can read my guest post here.

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The BIG Three-Oh

*sigh*
Guess what.
I'm 30 today. Ugh... (and yes Illy, I'm talking about it now. Blah.)

 Here is one of the last photos of me in my twenties. Doesn't it look like I'm clinging to those last moments of my youth and vibrancy? Because I was. Okay, that might be a little bit dramatic. Maybe.

Soooooo... 30. Hmm. Well, okay then. On one hand, there is no denying my adulthood now (like I could before, right? I mean, I've been married for 10 years, and have 3 kids under my belt.). On the other hand, I'm certainly more aware of  "who I am" now, than I was ten years ago, and I think there's a lot to be said for that.
But thirty does seem to be the age where we all take a step back and do some reflecting. So... I'm going to reflect.
Am I where I thought I would be if you would've asked me ten years ago? Yes and No.
YES, I thought that I was going to be a mommy, and most likely a homemaker Domestic Engineer. YES, I still love many of the same things I loved 10 years ago. YES, I'm still married to a wonderful, hardworking man.
NO, I did not think I wouldn't have finished college. NO I never imagined that I would have a child with special needs. NO I never imagined that I would have watched my mom fight Lymphoma. NO, I never imagined that I would be the Vice President of the Executive board at a Preschool. NO, I never could have dreamed of how much "work" marriage is.
It's funny where life takes you, isn't it?
I just read this, and I must admit, there are some pretty valid points that I can relate to.
And what about this one? Accurate? Only parts of it, I think. But truly, a very narrow view.
But this article is the one that I think hits home the most for me.
While 30 is a milestone of age... I honestly think that I am getting better with age. Perhaps not more beautiful, but more "real". I know what I love, and I know what's important to me. I know who I am, and I can say "take it or leave it" with confidence.
I have goals still, but I know that my life doesn't hinge on them. I will go where life leads me, and where my heart tells me to go. I think now is a time for me to embrace what is, and let go of some expectations. And to simplify.
I've found myself mostly, and now I'm going to make my happiness. And I'm going to live it, every day. I will hold my youth close to my heart, continuing to let it shine, all the while embracing the maturity and experiences that life has gifted me with.
Today, I'm 30. And you know what? I'm okay with that.

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Have you "liked" me on Facebook yet? If not, what are you waiting for? Get over there!
Are you following My {Not So} Glamorous Life via Google Friend Connect or BlogLovin'? Don't miss any of the fun! All you have to do is click "follow" on that button over there on the sidebar. Or Follow my blog with Bloglovin. Just click here!! C'mon, you know you wanna!
I can also be found on Twitter under the handle @MyNotSoGlamLife

Chase your kids, and count your blessings...

After a day of chasing your kids, are you worn out? When your toddler learned to walk and started getting into things, were you frustrated? Or are you dreading the day your infant starts to crawl or walk?
I know the feeling. I was there once too. They are certainly a handful when they become mobile, no doubt about that.
But now... now I pray for my daughter to stand up independently. I pray that she will be walking, even with support, within the next two years. I even pray for her to sit up without wondering how long it will be before she falls over.
You see, I am the mother of a child with special needs. What a once took for granted is now like a daily punch in the gut. When a friend posts on Facebook that they are dreading their 6 month old child learning to walk, because they will be chasing him/her all day long, I want to cry. I want to scream. I want to kick something. My two year old daughter has the gross motor skills of a six to eight month old. And we have worked very hard to even get her to this point. I want to clean up her messes. I want her to get into trouble. I want to have to worry about her running off. I want to kiss her skinned knees and put ice packs on her booboo's.
I want to tell my friend to count her blessings.
I want to chase my daughter.

When another friend complains about how quickly their child wears out their shoes... I want to tell them to give thanks for that expense! Because if they weren't dealing with worn out shoes, that would mean their child wasn't running around, playing outside, using those shoes for what shoes are intended.
I want to buy new shoes for my daughter because she wore hers out. I want to see dirty shoes.
I want to tell my friends to count their blessings.

 

So my friends, next time you are frustrated with chasing your little tot around, or picking up after them, or baby proofing... just count your blessings, and be glad that those are your problems, and not the alternative. Next time you are faced with the expense of buying new shoes, remember that some of us wish we had that problem. Give thanks for your happy, healthy, active children. Count Your Blessings.

Letter to my Little Lady on her 2nd Birthday

My sweet Little Lady is turning two on Sunday. Here is my birthday love letter to her:

Dear Little Lady,
Happy Birthday my Love! How did these two years pass already? My sweet girl, I have so much to say for you. And so many hopes for you. Do you know that? I think that you do.
After your brothers I thought our family was complete. I didn't think I wanted any more babies. And then, out of nowhere, I knew I wanted another one. Two months later, I found out that you were growing inside of me. What joy I felt!
My pregnancy with you was full of emotional ups and downs. Far more than with your brothers, but I still cherished growing you inside of me.

Photo by Rebecca Staley

The day you were born was one of the happiest days of my life. It was also one of the scariest, and most exhausting days.We didn't know it while I was pregnant with you, but after you were born, the staff told us that "there's something wrong with her legs". I had no idea what that meant, but I knew that they just took my baby girl to the NICU. What a blessing that you weren't there very long, and you were able to come home with us. It felt like forever before we started to get some answers about your condition.

 We have some answers, but we still have so much to find out. Mostly, the scariness is gone. Mostly.
Being your mommy is hard work. Not because you are a hard child. Your sweet disposition and sunny smile fill my heart. The hard part is all of the appointments, and therapies, and putting you through so much. I wish that you were able to just enjoy being a baby toddler. On those days when we're rushing from physical and occupational therapy, to some Dr, and missing naps and getting cranky... what I wouldn't give to just be able to take you to the park and play any time we want. But you handle it with such grace. Never in my life would I have thought that I'd be saying a two year old handled things with grace, until you.
The love, the bond that I have with you... it's different than what I have with your big brothers. Is it because you're the only girl? Because of your special needs? Because you are my youngest? A combination of those, I think. It's not that I love you more than them. But it is indeed very different... so hard to explain.

Photography by Allison Hays

Photography by Rosa Moore with Moore Photography

Photo by Rosa Moore @ Moore Photography

I jokingly tell people that you are my sidekick or my partner in crime. I don't mind spending so much time with you. I love it, actually. I look forward to so many more years of it. I hope that you will always feel the same way.
You stole my heart Little Lady. I never even knew that I wanted a little girl, until I had you. Now I can't imagine life without you.
I'm so proud of you. I am proud of how happy you are all the time. I am proud of how long and how hard you work to learn and do new things.
I am just so glad that you are mine.
You help me appreciate the little things. You help me remember what's really important.
You make me smile, laugh, cry, scream, and fight. But I wouldn't have it any other way.
Happy Birthday my sweet little girl. Thank you for being you.
Love Always,
Mommy

Just for Fun Friday: A Letter to The Hubs on our Decade Anniversary

Today is mine and The Hubs 10 year wedding anniversary. So in honor of our decade of wedded bliss, I'm writing a letter to my other half, and sharing it with anyone who is so inclined to read it.

 Dear The Hubs, 
Wow. 10 years. I guess we're really "grown ups" now, huh? Because you must be if you've married that long, right? Even if we started off young. (Which we did). I feel so lucky; I know that we are in a minority. So many people who get married as young as we did, only last a short while. As they "grow up" they also grow apart. But not us. We've grown together. And I love that about us. That's not to say that it's always been an easy journey (it hasn't) or that we always see eye to eye (we don't), but it does mean that even on the occasions where we don't like one another very much, we still love each other. That's big, ya know? 
I remember when we got engaged, we said "divorce is not an option." I still feel that way. I know that you do too. This unity of ours is so much more than "just a piece of paper". I still want to be this half of a whole, no matter what. Good, bad, rich (ha!), poor, sick, healthy, stressed, happy. Because at the end of the day, you are my safe place.
I love the way we compliment one another. I bring you up, you bring me down. We get each other on an even keel. 
And just look at what we've created together! These 3 little lives that are an extension of our love. How I love mothering the children we've made together. How I love parenting with you, side by side.
When I look to the future, I see us, still together. I see us following the path that your grandparents laid out before us. I love that. I loved them, and what they had.  I want to be the one driving around with a personalized license plate that says "60 Years in Love"... because that is some serious bragging rights!
So today, 10 years into our married life, I want to say thank you. Thank you for being my best friend. Thank you for being the one that I laugh with, the one that I live for, the one that I love.
I am so excited for all of our years together.
I love you with my whole heart,
~Jenn

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Today: A Happy Heart

This morning, brings me a happy heart. Not that my heart is generally unhappy, but some days just feel more joyous than others, ya know? I've found this morning to bring me quite a bit of reflection that has left me with such an overwhelming feeling of contentment that I just can't help but write about it. I want to share my warm fuzzy feelings with you!
This month makes it a year, that we've lived in this house. I've never felt more at home in a house than I do here. I find myself thinking of the future here. I am eager to build memories in this home. It's not too big, and it's not too fancy, and it surely isn't new. But it's the just right place for us. It's got plenty of space for us to live and love. It's got character and warmth. I'm content to be here.
Today is the first day of Summer. This typically brings me great joy, as summer is my favorite season.
Today, we slept in until 9am. We were sleeping off the affects of a fun day at Disneyland.

Today, I enjoyed my coffee on the back porch, enjoying the sun, flowers, chirping birds and the wind gently moving through the trees.
Today, I watched with joy as my sweet Little Lady rolled around the house, exploring her surroundings with her new found mobility.
Today, The Boys each woke up happy. They snuggled their mama, and didn't bicker with one another. They were kind and loving, and helpful towards each other, and played happily with one another.

Today, is a wonderful day. Today will not be perfect, but it will be great. I'm going to embrace it!

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As always, I LOVE new Followers!  So please feel free to follow me via Google Friend Connect.
I would also be Super~Dee~Duper Excited if you would "like" me on Facebook. 

Excuse me while I punch this guy in the Throat...

Friends, be warned, I am stepping up onto my soapbox right now.

To the douche-bag behind me in line at the store today:
Not that it was any of your business in the first place, but my daughter does not need glasses or have a lazy eye. Please believe me, and don't argue, when I tell you that she has seen enough doctors for me to be sure of this. 
She has a Pseudostrabismus, and slightly asymmetrical face, that just gives the appearance sometimes that her eye is lazy. She see's countless doctors and therapists, and her health and well being is constantly being monitored. Mind your own business in the future please. Believe me, I am aware of all of the problems that my daughter has. I am so tuned in to her, that we could be the same person. 
Back. The. Hell. OFF!!!!
I don't really care that your lazy eye was operated on and you wear glasses. Unless you can produce to me your medical degree, please don't begin to diagnose my daughter. 

To my friends who don't know, I am the mother of a child with special needs. Sometimes she acts different than others her same age. Sometimes she looks different than others her same age. The same applies to me. 
It is a very delicate zone that we tread every day. But we manage. My Little Lady is full of Grace, beauty and strength.  
Please keep these words in mind the next time you are in a store and see a mother with a special child. Instead of undermining her as a parent (I'm positive that NONE of you would do that anyways) or giving a pitying look, simply give that mother a warm smile and tell her that her child is beautiful. Because you know what? Her child is beautiful.
My daughter has a rare condition called Arthrogryposis Multiplex Congenita. 
She goes through more in one week than most people go through in a year.
(You can read more about our journey in our other blog Hope and Grace)

I will now proceed to step down off of my soapbox.

Tribute to an Unknown Hero (2nd attempt)

Wow. I just poured my heart out in a tribute post to a fallen soldier and only a few sentences away from the end, I somehow managed to delete the entire thing. And then it auto saved and I couldn't even go back to my draft. That makes me feel sick.
I'm not sure I can handle trying to write that one again... But I still feel compelled to pay my respects to this fallen hero.

Over the weekend, our small-ish town lost a soldier to the war in Afghanistan. He was the first resident of our city killed while on active duty since Vietnam.
And this soldier was 20 years old. 20 YEARS OLD!!! 

My heart is heavy with the loss of a man I never met.

Tyler's mom is the receptionist at my son's school. Anytime you go into the office she greets you with a cheerful smile. She is always happy to deliver lunches, take messages, or hold items for kiddos during school hours.

Memorial set up at the school

Her and I had never gotten into true conversation. We'd only exchanged pleasantries as I hurriedly dropped off a forgotten lunch, or a guitar for after school lessons. I had no idea that she had a son who was deployed. Her demeanor never indicated that she was likely in a constant state of worry. Living always in the unknown... not knowing where her son may be at any given moment. Whether he was scared, lonely, or hurt. Not knowing if she would ever hug her son again or hear his voice.
And now, she wont.
His young life was tragically taken while he was serving our country. Tyler gave the ultimate sacrifice.
His bright future, wiped out. Just... gone. 
I am aware that this happens every day. I know that the heart wrenching tragedy and loss is out there. I am not ignorant to this fact. But it's one of those things that you can't always dwell on... it's all consuming. So, it gets pushed to the back of your mind as you carry on with your day.
But this time, it hit close to home. (I knew another young soldier who was killed, back in 2004. While still equally as tragic, I was not yet a Mother, so I was unaware of the pain... the terrible, terrible pain.)
There are people near me who are hurting in a tremendous way. And I hate it. I hate knowing it. I hate having to let the sadness and the reality of people's loss come out from the back of my mind where I pushed it, and being forced to recognize it.
I hate knowing that this cheerful, good natured woman who happily brought my son his lunch, will never see her baby's face again. I cannot even imagine the pain she is enduring right now. Even the little bit that I can imagine is enough to bring me to tears, just thinking about it.
So right now, in my little corner of the world, I will hug my babies close. I will thank God for giving them to me and pray that He will keep them safe.
And I will thank Tyler for giving everything for our freedom. And I will thank his family for making him into the kind of man who would give everything. And I pray that they will come to accept God's will and find peace in his loss even though they may not understand it. I pray that their collective love for one another, and for Tyler, will bring them comfort and strength as they are left to mourn his passing.

To all of the service men and women who have given all that they had, or all that they might ever have, I thank you. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. And thank you to the brave families who are left behind.
And to all of you that made it home safely... THANK YOU too. Thank you for your service and know that your safe return is celebrated!

Letter to my "Big Boy" on his 8th Birthday

Dear Big Boy,
Happy Birthday to You! YOU'RE GROWING TOO FAST!!!!
You were my first miracle. I had hoped, and prayed for you. I cried and cried thinking that you would never be mine. I dreamed of you. I wished on stars, and threw pennies into wells.
It was a physical, mental, emotional time. I was young, but time and circumstance didn't seem to be on my side. And I just knew in my heart of hearts that I was meant to be your mommy. Finally, I found out that I was carrying you inside of me. My instincts told me you were there, and then a test confirmed it. Then my instincts told me that you were a little boy, and it wasn't very long until that was confirmed as well. What a blessing! I felt such joy knowing that you were going to be in my arms soon.
The years have flown by. They have been wonderful years. You are so big now, and so mature. We have very similar personalities and sometimes butt heads. You know how to get under my skin. But, you are kind and generous, and responsible. You are competitive, and passionate. You are so smart, and so inquisitive. You are clever and witty, and hilarious. This world is very lucky that you have entered it. I am very lucky to have you in my life. I am so proud of the young man that you are becoming, and I anticipate watching you become an amazing man. Thank you for being the boy that you.
Love always and forever,
Mommy

Letter to my "Little Boy" on his 5th Birthday

Dear Little Boy,
Happy Birthday my sweet boy! How is it that five years have already passed since your birth? It just doesn't seem possible. I remember so clearly the day that I found out you were growing inside of me. It was such a special day because my sister was having her 1st baby that day too. Our family was growing by the minute, and so full of love.

I remember my labor and delivery with you as if it were just yesterday.
My labor with you was long and hard. Thank God that the delivery was quick, because I was exhausted.
And when all the pain was over, and you were nuzzled up next to me, I felt so complete. You were mine.

Out of our three babies, you were the only one that "wasn't planned". But I would never say that you were an accident. Oh, no... you were desperately wanted. I just never thought that you would be mine. I didn't think I would be able to have any more babies after your brother. And then I was blessed with my surprise baby. You were also the only one out of my three that I got to hold immediately after birth. Both your brother and sister were taken to the other side of the room for various reasons, leaving my arms empty for too long. But not you... you were placed right on my chest. What a reward after all of that hard work! You were my only induced labor too, and that meant, my longest labor. And out of the three of you, you're the only one who doesn't have a "family name" or a namesake. I guess that you are the exception.
Over the years, it's been clear to everyone that you are a "Mama's Boy". It's true though. And you act so much like your daddy, it's no wonder you and I get along so well. You're my "Baby Boy". You are the last baby boy that will be mine. It's such a bittersweet idea. I love watching you learn and grow, but Oh! How I miss you being so tiny and squishy. I love that you still smoosh into me, so small. It's like your sweet little body just doesn't wanna outgrow your mama.
You are stubborn, and headstrong. You are silly and sensitive. You are loving, you are kind. You are a fabulous big brother, and an admiring little brother. You are incredibly carefree. I love that so much about you. You have grown into such a handsome boy. I often find myself looking upon you with wonderment that I could create such a sweet little person.
My heart has been blessed with so much joy because of you, and I can't imagine this world without you. I am so glad that you are my boy.

 So today, I want to wish you a HAPPY BIRTHDAY as you embark on the adventure of your fifth year. The year where you'll start kinder and leave me 5 days a week. The year where you will start to "know things" and become so smart and such a know-it-all. The year where I will yearn for these young years to stay pure and innocent for as long as they can. Please don't stop being my baby. Please don't get too cool for me. I don't think that my mommy heart can handle it. And please know, that forever and always, I will love you more than you could ever understand.
Love,
Mommy


"Childhood is a short season."~Helen Hayes

Dear Mom, Love, Me

Here, in honor of Mother's Day, I am writing a "letter" to my mom.

Dear Mom,
I've been thinking all week of what I would put into this letter. Why is it so hard for me to write a letter that I'm fairly certain you'll never read?  I have so much to say, yet nothing to say at all.
I guess I'll start by saying that I'm so, so grateful that you are here for me to say 'something or nothing' to. Only a year ago... we didn't know what the future would hold. We were scared.We were uncertain. But here we are now, and you are strong, and you are healthy. Your body is free of disease. Your head is fuzzy with the new hair that is growing back. You are thinking about getting your "Survivor" tattoo soon. I think that's awesome.
I know we don't talk every day. I know that I'm the only one of your children that doesn't call you or stop by every day. I'm sorry... I know that must be hard for you. But I know that you understand (I hope that you do). My own children keep me so busy. And it doesn't mean that I love you any less.
You and I have had our struggles. We have had huge blown up fights over trivial matters. (Thank God that hasn't happened in a long time!!) But when the going get's tough... we're their for each other. You have leaned on me during two major and upsetting life events. I have leaned on you during two different major and upsetting life events. When it comes to the important stuff, we understand one another. After all, I came from within you.
There are so many things I love about you. 
I love that when I was little, I didn't want to eat store bought cookies, because I knew that my mommy made cookies that were so much better.
I love that, to this day, if someone strokes my hair or rubs my back, I become instantly relaxed to the point of falling asleep. That's how you would get me to sleep when I was little.
I love that you passed on your love of thriftiness to me.
I love how much you read to me and my sisters when we were young. Now I love to read.
I love that when my boys spent the night with you last summer, you set up a tent and camped with them in the backyard.
I love that you come to almost all of the baseball games for the boys. Even the early, too hot, or too cold ones. They have an awesome cheerleader!
I love that you buy cards for me sometimes for no reason at all. Or that you buy just the right card for a specific reason.
I love that you believe in me.
I love that when I make something, I can count on you to love it and show enthusiasm.
I love that you showed me how to love being a mom.
I love that you are my mom.  

I am so glad that you are here. I'm so thankful for the thirty Mother's Day's you've been here. I'm so glad that we're going to have more.

"I Love You the Whole World & Fifty Bucks"
"I Wuv You More Than AnyFing Eeeeelllllllsssssseeeeee!!"

Love Always,
Your First Baby

I also love that you stayed up all night making these dorky (and wonderful!!) costumes for the Oregon Trail day at my school. And then we were the only ones that dressed up! One of my favorite memories! THANK YOU!

(I'm linking this up with Angie In The Thick Of It's Mother's Day Link Party!!! Come on over and Party with Us!)

IMG Source

Stupid, Aching Uterus...

(Due to our participation in Screen Free Week, this post was written and scheduled in advance!!)

What is this incessant urge that women get to procreate? (Or is it just me?)
Seriously, I'm 3 kids into this game of Motherhood and I still get that nagging desire to to reproduce. When I see a cousin/sister/friend/acquaintance/stranger-on-the-street who is pregnant, or even worse, holding a newborn, that maternal instinct kicks in and I just want a baby. (I kid you not, I think my uterus aches and contracts when I'm around babies!) But it's not just that I want to hold a baby. I genuinely want another child. 
For the love of all that is holy, I have three kids already!! And both sexes too, so it's not just that desire to have "some of each".
*sigh*
Logically, I know that our family right now is such a great fit... and there are plenty of reasons to NOT have another baby. So then, why do I want one so much?

Somebody please tell me that I'm not the only one...

The Best Part

Last Friday I took my (almost) 8 year old son, who is already "too cool" for his mom, to Disneyland. Just him and me. No siblings, no dad. It's been a long time since we've done that. What a fabulous day. The weather was perfect, and the crowds were ideal.
(Oh, and we rode The Jungle Cruise 6 times. I kid you not.)
But the best part of the whole day was that my too cool son held my hand for almost the whole day. And it was him that initiated it, not me. One time, right in the middle of the park, with people milling all around us, he grabbed me in a tight embrace and said "Thank you for bringing me here today Mom. I love you."

Who could ask for more?

Paperwork, and Appointments, and Referrals, OH MY!

I don't often write about my daughter's condition on this blog, as I have a separate one for her. But this is a blog sharing my life, and well... she's a big part of my life. (Ya think??)
Anyways, it's no secret to me how much of a juggling act it is to be a mom. I'm three kiddos into this adventure, and while I'm still learning every day, I think I've got a notch or two under my belt.
My Little Lady has a condition called Arthrogryposis Multiplex Congenita. (You can read a brief description of it here) Ever heard of it? Probably not, most people haven't unless they have a family member or friend with it. Seriously, it doesn't get enough attention. Arthrogryposis Multiplex Congenita (we refer to it as AMC) is a "rare" condition that (in laymen terms) affects the joints and the muscles of a person. For instance, my daughter has low muscle tone in her arms, and especially her left side. Her knees were hyperextended when she was born, and now, at almost two years old, she can't bend them all the way.
A dear friend of mine (an adult with AMC) told me that he believes it's harder on the parents of an AMC'er than it is on the actual person affected. I think it's true. This morning, is no exception.
Today my daughter has her 18 month physical. No biggie, right? Well, wrong. These "regular" appointments seem the worst of all. Much worse than any of the specialty appointments. To begin, I had to find my daughters immunization record, (this is what started me being super frazzled this morning.) I had to shuffle through a ridiculous amount of paperwork, referrals, assessments, IEP forms, therapy forms, future appointment forms, past appointment forms...

Where is that darn shot record??

Whew! I finally found the stupid shot record. Our old medical office kept them completely electronic. Oh, how I miss that.
After finding the shot  record, I had to find 3 referrals that I've recently received and have questions about. I put them in a safe place the other day. Where was that again?
When the mom of a special needs child goes to one of these "regular" appointments, she gets to fill out the pre-appointment paperwork asking what milestones her child has met. Devastatingly, it's a reminder that my child has likely not met any of the milestones expected of a typical 18 month old. Fabulous start to the appointment, right? Then, the mother and her special needs child are brought to the exam room by a nurse or medical assistant, who is unaware of the circumstance, and treats you and your child as typical. "Can you have her stand up on the scale?" No, I can't. Thanks for reminding me. For us, this is even stretched out a bit longer because visibly, you can't really see my Little Lady's condition (which is an exception for most people with AMC).
Fortunately, we have a fabulous pediatrician, who is actually somewhat familiar with my daughters condition. She acts as a fantastic advocate for both of us. And her nurse is incredibly helpful as well. I'm very thankful for them.
So, between the insane amount of paperwork, juggling so many appointments, and shuffling through the referrals, I'm just done. I am not bothered by my daughter's condition. Ultimately, she will be stronger than I could ever be. And she is simply a joy. But every now and again... I yearn for simplicity. My whole life I've been an organizer and a planner. I think that's helped me out. But what I wouldn't give to just be able to "go with the flow" for a while. No paperwork, no appointments, no referrals.  
*Sigh*