Monday, July 23, 2012

The BIG Three-Oh

Guess what.
I'm 30 today. Ugh... (and yes Illy, I'm talking about it now. Blah.)

 Here is one of the last photos of me in my twenties. Doesn't it look like I'm clinging to those last moments of my youth and vibrancy? Because I was. Okay, that might be a little bit dramatic. Maybe.
Soooooo... 30. Hmm. Well, okay then. On one hand, there is no denying my adulthood now (like I could before, right? I mean, I've been married for 10 years, and have 3 kids under my belt.). On the other hand, I'm certainly more aware of  "who I am" now, than I was ten years ago, and I think there's a lot to be said for that.
But thirty does seem to be the age where we all take a step back and do some reflecting. So... I'm going to reflect.
Am I where I thought I would be if you would've asked me ten years ago? Yes and No.
YES, I thought that I was going to be a mommy, and most likely a homemaker Domestic Engineer. YES, I still love many of the same things I loved 10 years ago. YES, I'm still married to a wonderful, hardworking man.
NO, I did not think I wouldn't have finished college. NO I never imagined that I would have a child with special needs. NO I never imagined that I would have watched my mom fight Lymphoma. NO, I never imagined that I would be the Vice President of the Executive board at a Preschool. NO, I never could have dreamed of how much "work" marriage is.
It's funny where life takes you, isn't it?
I just read this, and I must admit, there are some pretty valid points that I can relate to.
And what about this one? Accurate? Only parts of it, I think. But truly, a very narrow view.
But this article is the one that I think hits home the most for me.
While 30 is a milestone of age... I honestly think that I am getting better with age. Perhaps not more beautiful, but more "real". I know what I love, and I know what's important to me. I know who I am, and I can say "take it or leave it" with confidence.
I have goals still, but I know that my life doesn't hinge on them. I will go where life leads me, and where my heart tells me to go. I think now is a time for me to embrace what is, and let go of some expectations. And to simplify.
I've found myself mostly, and now I'm going to make my happiness. And I'm going to live it, every day. I will hold my youth close to my heart, continuing to let it shine, all the while embracing the maturity and experiences that life has gifted me with.
Today, I'm 30. And you know what? I'm okay with that.

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