Thursday, May 31, 2012

Fat and Happy? Probably Not. I'm Calling Myself Out.

I have a full plate. Literally and figuratively. One of the problems with my insane on~the~go lifestyle is that I tend to eat on the run. It's far too easy to pull through a drive through, or grab a bag of chips, or whatever in between activities.
Like many women, my weight is something that has been a struggle for me most of my life. I have gone up and down with it since Junior High. I've had 3 kids. I've been on and off of Weight Watchers since 2002.
I am up towards almost my highest adult weight ever. This is not ok. Not for me. My baby is almost 2 years old now, so this certainly can't be blamed on "baby weight". This is all me... lazy, complete lack of self control, no motivation. 
I've gotten into the terrible habit of enjoying cold beers in the evenings a few times a week. Now I know why they say "beer gut". Gross.
Also, I really like food. I like it a lot. When pizza night rolls around, it's no holds barred. After preschool on Friday's, it's Thai food. Baked treats throughout the week. Snacking and grazing though the day... It's a big problem. It's a really big problem...
This is how BIG my problem is. It's really, really big. (And yes... I'm still playing with the idea that I may have lost my mind for sharing this photo publicly. WHAT is wrong with me???!!!)
So here I am, back in 2008. It was good stuff.
2008. Just 10 months after baby #2. Down to about 135 lbs. From here, I lost another 8 lbs.

And here I am, this morning. Not so good stuff...
No, seriously. WHAT is wrong with me??!! Am I really about to put a picture of my big booty on the big old internet? Ack!

Ok. Now, down to the nitty gritty. Yes, I'm aware that I am not "morbidly obese". I'm probably not even to the point where if I was walking through the store someone would say "Check out the fatty!" However, I am 38 pounds overweight. And, even more importantly, I'm uncomfortable. I don't feel great.
I want to feel great again!
But I also want to feel happy and not stressing about my weight all the time.
So... is it possible for me to feel great physically and mentally? I think it has to happen.
I'm not planning on getting back down to my thinnest weight of around 2009. But... something's got to change. I'm down to one pair of jeans that fits me right now, and one pair of "mom shorts". Unacceptable.
The problem is that I don't really have a game plan right now. Mentally (and time-wise) I'm not really in a place to go to Weight Watchers again. It's just not going to happen. And I don't do well with the online program.
I think the first step was calling myself out here in a public forum. I think my next step will be a simple awareness of what I'm putting into my mouth, and how much of it. And how often. Also, I'd really like to figure out some way to incorporate walking into my routine, at least a few times a week.
What next?
Obviously, I need to find my motivation. But how??? This commercial comes to mind. I hear it on the radio often.

What can you say to me to help? Please don't tell me I'm fat, please don't tell me "diet and exercise, ya moron!". Because, I KNOW that. But how do I get there? How do I juggle 3 kids at 3 schools and Dr appt's and PT/OT appts and housework and baseball and errands and still manage to give a darn what I weigh? How do I not take that cupcake, and then how do I not take that 2nd one? How do I not give in to that ice cold beer after a long, hot, stressful day?
Have you done it? How did you do it? I've done it before, I feel like I should know. But I think that part of me got lost in the shuffle somewhere...