Saturday, June 12, 2010

One {not so} Tough Mama...

I did not shed a single tear the day I sent my first born child off to kindergarten. And I'm a crier, so that surprised me. But he was SO READY to be there, that it just didn't bother me to send him off.

Here he is, the morning of his first day of kinder, about to get ready. Dancing around in his undies, bursting with excitement. See? Why would I cry?

Fast forward about nine months. The school year is winding down, T-ball is almost over and I'm very pregnant. I CANNOT wait for everything to end, so I have a few weeks of peace and quiet, with no place to be at a certain time, no rushing out the door in the morning, extended PJ days, and summer fun before the baby arrives. So there I was, counting the days until school was out. Just like a kid!

Then on the morning of the last day of school (yesterday)... it hit me. Bad. I took Big Boy to kindergarten one last time. As I drove away, a flood of emotions overtook me. I just dropped my son off at kindergarten for the LAST time. Kindergarten is for the little kids. Oh my God... he's not little anymore. WHEN did he become such a big boy? I swear, just yesterday I was smelling his sweet baby smell, and holding him close to my chest while he slept. And now, he's done with kindergarten. How did this happen?

In my typical fashion, I spent the morning running around trying to get too much done with too little time. The chaos of my morning helped take my mind off of it. I had to make a Target run, I went to Barnes & Noble to get Big Boy's copy of "Oh the Places You'll Go" by Dr. Seuss. I had to go to JoAnn's Fabrics, to get some scrapbook supplies for a project I was working on, and some fabric for my dad's Father's Day gift. Then off to the Party Shoppe to get my big boy some balloons (and horns to blow at his graduation).

So my little one and I get to the school for Kindergarten graduation just in the nick of time. I have my book,  balloons and party horns so that my Big Boy will know how proud I am of him, and he seems so happy to see the goodies that were brought just for him!

The teacher starts things off by showing a slideshow set to music of the classes year together. Right away the waterworks started for me. Let me tell you, there was no going back after that! The slideshow was so cute and touching, Miss R did a really great job on it. Then she read to them from "The Kissing Hand" which is the same book she read on the first day of school. Ok... WHERE are the tissues? Seriously, where?

After finishing the story, she calls each student up individually to give them a special memory book that she made for them, as well as their Kindergarten Certificates.

(Through all of this, I'm pretty much crying). After she finishes with each student, we go outside and  the two kindergarten classes get together to sing a song for the parents. Then there is a cookie & punch celebration, with lots of mingling and lots of goodbyes. (And yes, plenty of tears, mostly from mommy's).

Then my Big Boy, all of his grandma's, my Little Boy and I went out for lunch. After lunch, the boys went to spend the afternoon at my mother in law's house. I went home to work on a project for our T-ball Coach.

So there I am, in my quiet house, all by myself, reflecting. And then the tears started and they did not stop. And we're not talking leaky faucet here. It was more like the Hoover Dam broke. There was NO STOPPING that flood. At that point, I proceeded to listen to a handful of songs about babies growing up, or life passing you by and it sure didn't help. "Let Them Be Little" by Lonestar. "Don't Blink" by Kenny Chesney, "You're Gonna Miss This" by Trace Adkins. Oh boy, why did I do that to myself?

When the Hubs got home from work, we wanted to take Big Boy out to celebrate his accomplishment, so we went bowling, and out to dinner afterwards. While at the bowling alley, Hubs notices that I'm not quite myself, and says "WHAT is wrong with you tonight?" To which I reply "Nobody told me that the last day of kindergarten is a hundred times harder than the first day of kindergarten!!!" He gave me an understanding smile, and in the sweet, smart-ass way of his that usually doesn't fail to make me laugh, he asks if I want to have another baby. (Uhhhh... yeah, that might be a good idea honey, LOL!)

 Our boy isn't little anymore. As much as I truly love every moment of watching my kiddos grow up... it is still so bittersweet for me. I feel like the time is just slipping through my hands and sometimes I can't catch it. I'm afraid to close my eyes, even for a second, because when I open them, all of my littles will be off with families of their own.